KANDA

Hello to All!

"Old Faithful" 

 The sound of the drum and tambourine danced together as voices mounted up with sounds of joy and praise. The congregation began to dance in one over-arching motion, several stepping out, making their movements around the table at the front of the low-lit mud brick building. 

They were lifting their voices, praising the Lord for what he had done.

A tornado, not too long ago had swept through their village, taking the roof of the next door parsonage as it had passed. Thankfully their lives had been spared, but there the house sat bald and empty, waiting for its occupants to fill it once more. 

This small village church- KANDA, not 20 minutes out from Bongolo, is in the process of gathering the money that they have amongst themselves to finish repairing the damage to their building- so that the young man, trained as a lay-leader who has been assigned to lead this small congregation, might have a place to live. 

For them it marks a sign of stability- that this young, new leader is here to stay.

The believers at KANDA

I stood clapping, singing and rejoicing with them as they continued to sing in their tribal language, the sand of the dirt floor gritting under my sandals and my back side thankful to be standing after sitting on the narrow wooden bench. 

I don't know many words yet in the local tribal language, but this song I did know. 

They were singing it after announcing the offering that had come in that day for the new roof on the building - 60,000 cfa  or $120- a sacrifice of gargantuan proportions for this little village. 

And the song they were singing? 

"He who performs miracles- He is in Heaven. And He who is in Heaven, He performs great miracles."

The parsonage still mid repairs

The "Nursery" - these kids take care of the little ones at the back of the church

This little guy wanted his picture taken like the big kids- despite his
fervent fear of my iPod

The Drummer & His Drums
-  just some old cartons and barrels but highly effective.

Just wanted to share with all of you a taste of church out here in the jungle! 

As we head into the month of November, please consider praying each Sunday for the church at Kanda as you head in to worship at your own church. 

Pray for the young, lay-leader of this small but devoted congregation, pray that more in the village would come to know Christ and that God would be developing a deep and fervent faith among his people.

So thankful for your love, prayers and support. 

Enjoy a breath of the crisp, fall air for me! : )  

Love from the Jungle,

           ~ Amanda

P.S. Before the rains of the rainy season hit in October, I really wanted to ford the river down the mountain from where we live. I was really excited to have a crew of colleagues and visitors who wanted to join my little expedition. We set out expecting a little wet wading across some sand and rocks and ended up waist deep climbing over submerged rocks and giant logs trying to avoid getting knocked over by the current. It took us about an 1 1/2 hrs, but we made it!

It was so great to just be outside, enjoying the fresh air, the cool water and a mini adventure.

It certainly lifted my spirits

And Praise the Lord we did not run into any water snakes! 

 Afterwards-enjoying wading in the edge of the river. Notice Bongolo Church on top of the hill.
The Hospital and Nursing School are to the left of it.
Also the 2 boys were looking for a lost flip-flop in the river and totally showed us up crossing the river : )

With Joanna, one of my colleagues and close friend here at Bongolo
Headed back to the Station from the river.

A Year and Some Change

Hello Everyone! 

A Year and Some Change.....

Hard to believe... but it's been a year and some change since I moved to Gabon!

What an adventure, a blessing and a learning experience it has been this first year.

I was taking some time to reflect on my first days here in the Jungle...

On the kitchen door- my friend who comes to say "hi" in the afternoons.

...the first time I made the rare find of lettuce in the market and had spent the better part of 20 minutes painstakingly completing the necessary bleaching, rinsing and drying of each leaf (due to the Gabonese interest in human fertilizer) and as I went to gather the leaves from the counter on which they were drying to make the special treat of a long-awaited salad, a lizard jumped right down from the wooden cupboards and tap danced his way right across every single one of my rare and freshly cleaned lettuce leaves! 

I ate the lettuce anyway. 

...or the first time I sliced an onion here and thought almost the entire thing was rotten, only to discover that's just how their onions are coloured here.

I couldn't even do a simple thing like slicing an onion without having questions!

I felt so dependent on those around me. 

...perfecting my ninja moves while sporting my crocs and rubber gloves, as I tried to skillfully turn off water in the shower that shocked me every time I used it for the first month after moving in.

Often I would get shocked through the water out of the shower head too....I took a lot of sponge baths. 

Using the kitchen sink was literally a shocking experience too.

I am still amazed that I have both running water and electricity in my house in the middle of the jungle.

They just don't always play well together.

(After a month they finally found a set of wires had been chewed away - I was getting shocked because there was live current bouncing back and forth between the 110 and 220 lines and was touching a water pipe- I could have had a decent fro I think).

Celebrating the Gabonese holiday, Women's Day, with the residents' wives

I remember having people over the first weekend I had moved into my new home.

It took me all day to prepare as I started learning to make everything from scratch.

The workmen were fervently trying to fix my electrifying water system and my house helper mama Germaine was helping keep up with the never ending residue from geckos, ants, wood bores and termites.

I had also just recently had an ape or some other unidentified jungle animal leap onto my side kitchen door a couple nights in a row from the mass of jungle bordering my house. We think he was injured or something, for it looked as though he had found solace in my attic for the last hours of his life and as his carcas quickly decayed in the equatorial heat, maggots proceeded to fall from my ceiling.

I had gotten used to heating my water for washing dishes and for bathing because there had been no hot water for the majority of the first month.

Then the cold water went on strike too.

Then the workers hit a water pipe and water was literally pouring through the ceiling from the attic into my kitchen.

I was still getting shocked at the sink, in the shower and while touching certain appliances.

So there I was that day in my sweaty kitchen, rolling out my first crack at homemade tortillas, getting shocked at random intervals, no running water, a waterfall pouring from the attic and maggots falling from the ceiling and company coming in under 2 hours.

By God's grace we ate more than canned sardines that night. 

Enjoying fellowship with some of the missionary ladies

Remembering going to the capital for the first time for the yearly grocery shop with my mentors Terry and Barry, and realizing even then, how much I had "gray scale vision." It was as if everything around me was a different shade of grey, in that everything seemed to look the same. There were no definitions in my mind. I remember driving with them down the road and Terry shouting and pointing excitedly, "look a plant nursery!" Barry pulled over so she could check out the trees and small budded plants for sale. "A nursery?!" I thought to myself. 

It looked just like all the other countless wood/tin/concrete block shacks we had passed the past 5 miles and were sure to pass for the following 5. 

How did she spot these things in the sea of seemingly non-purposed shacks? 

Colour vision. 

I was excited for the day when I would one day be granted colour vision.   

I remember what a relief it was at the beginning to visit Mbolo- the large french grocery store in the hub at the capital for our yearly shop- 9 hours from Bongolo. What fun to see Western foods and packaging, lots of fresh veggies, meat, yogurt, chips, cereal, even ice-cream (if you're willing to pay the price- 3 slices of ham was $12.99- I didn't get the ham : ) all in a nice clean store with no goat poop, no rat droppings, no checking your rice and pasta for creepy crawlers and no drunk men trying to grab you as you headed out the door. 

Out to dinner with Mom and Dad at one of the local restaurants in town

But I found myself back in the capital 6 months after living at Bongolo to see my parents off back to the States and we went to Mbolo again, but I was surprised at what I experienced. 

We had jumped into a taxi on the inner-city back roads where the missionary guest house was, filled with make shift shelters for stores and restaurants and headed to the large westernized grocery store.

We walked in - and immediately I felt overwhelmed.

It was big and bright and people were hustling and bustling around the place in their European fashions and the shelves were filled with so many choices! Oh were there choices!
The yogurt aisle alone- I almost could see the white pearly gates at the end of it.
I walked around in an amazed daze, trying to wake myself up every few minutes to make sure I wasn't actively drooling over the beautiful displays of fresh vegetables.
Everyone and everything seemed to be moving so much faster than I was.

I felt so out of place.

I felt like a jungle bumpkin. 

I felt out of my comfort zone.

We grabbed another taxi, carrying our groceries in our arms, and made our way back to our little street where the guest house was on.

The taxi left us off at the corner.

People were walking by in bright patterned cloth, head scarves and carrying babies on their backs.

Goats and stray mangy dogs trotted out of our way as we walked through potholes as wide as the street itself and dodged the plastic bags and trash that littered the street, out of a wooden shack we passed, floated the yummy aroma of “coupe coupe” chicken, kids ran past us laughing and playing with home made toys.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

I was in my comfort zone again.

I had found myself in a cultural pretzel.

A Year and Some Change.....

Change in how I perceive life, culture, what is norm.

Change and growth in deeper understanding of how I understand and know my God.

Change and growth in how I expect to relate to and love others.

Change in people's lives as we live life side by side, showing them what it means to be a follower of Christ.

 Visiting with my nursing students and their families at their homes. I try to visit them every Sunday evening. We'll sit, talk, eat food, they'll teach me their local dances, braid hair, play with their kids and just pass some time with them.  In the Gabonese culture, going to someone's house is more meaningful than inviting them over. Essentially, it is a cultural way in which I can wash their feet.

Helping out doing some anesthesia in the OR

Filling in the gaps... the last several months we've been short staffed in the OR and in the ICU/recovery room. I've been trying to fill in when I can in between teaching and doing clinicals with the students. Wednesdays I would be in the OR helping out with anesthesia and keeping an eye on Rea- our recovery room.
There were many days I would literally be running between the two, having to leave a patient in the OR because a patient was deteriorating in Rea.
Thankful to the Lord for keeping all the patients safe.
Also rejoicing because God has provided staff to fill these two critical needs!
I will still be filling in as needed but it won't be as often.
Thankful for God's provision of safer patient care! 

Small Group Bible study 

Each Friday the students divide up into their small groups for Bible study. This was my group of girls this past trimester. It has been exciting to see God stretch and develop their understanding (and my own) of who God is, as we studied the names of God together.
Several of these girls have been experiencing a lot of financial hardship, sometimes struggling to have enough food to eat.
We have seen God provide for their needs and how they have grown through that.
It has been an honor to disciple these young women.

Building bridges in LeBamba.

 This past year I've spent most Thursday afternoons in LeBamba learning to cook with some of the merchant women. LeBamba has become a hub for merchants from other African countries. It has been exciting to see the bridges the Father has been building as I grow in friendship with these women.
Please talk to the Father concerning them that our friendship would continue to grow and provide good opportunities through it.

Showing a student how to recover a new born from general anesthesia after a Spina Bifida repair

Most of the mornings are spent in clinicals with the Nursing students in the ICU/recovery room, Rea. It is a great opportunity to practice their nursing skills, but also to work with them side-by-side, showing them how to think critically in taking care of a variety of patients.  

Bible study with Eric

 Do you remember Eric? He was mentioned a couple posts ago as the young man who had become a quadriplegic after a construction accident and who had decided to follow Christ after arriving at Bongolo.
We have been doing a Bible study together several times a week since mid-December.
We have studied through John, Acts and Romans and have had some good discussions surrounding the doctrine we've read and how those truths affect Eric's current world view.
It has been exciting to see Eric grow in his faith these past 9 months.
We have often had other patients and family members in Rea who have joined us.
My joy was made complete in seeing Eric's discipleship come full circle-  God has given opportunities for Eric and I to tag-team sharing the Gospel to other patients and praying them to Christ. It is a joy to hear him share his testimony of how God has changed his life with others, to see him become passionate about introducing others to Christ.

An answer to prayer! -I have been able to pass this ministry on to Barry, one of my missionary colleagues. After several months of praying for the next steps for Eric and who could take the baton for his discipleship, God has clearly provided for that transition to take place and am very glad Eric will be able to study with a man of faith who will be able to take even deeper into Scripture.
Praise God for His perfect timing, provision and answer to prayer! 

Eric and his Mom

 

 Resident's wives Bible Study

 This past year I've had the privilege of taking part in the PAACS residents' wives Bible study. It has been a great way to build friendships with my fellow sisters in Christ and we have really enjoyed studying God's word together and the different experiences we all bring to admonish one another and help each other grow.
These past several months the women asked me if I would lead a study on the names of God. We have really enjoyed growing in our understanding of God's character together.
One thing I have been really praying for for these women, is for further leadership development and discipleship. These women, whose husbands are at Bongolo training to be surgeons, will be going back to their own villages and will be looked up to as Spiritual leaders. My prayer for them has been that God would begin developing in them the courage to begin leading their own Bible study.
Our prayers were answered!
By the time I went back to visit the States in August, almost every single one of these women had stepped up to lead a Bible study session on one of the names of God. 
They also began initiating their own fellowship time together as a small group.
It is a great growing experience for them and I am so excited to see them begin these next steps of discipleship in their lives!
God is at work!

Girls' Pizza Night 

Another way God is at work, is that the wives have asked to come with me as I spend time with the women in town.
There are few times I have really experienced the fullness of the Body of Christ like I have while driving to LeBamba with a car full of women from the Congo, Mali, Gabon, Madagascar and U.S. all praying together with one mind and one spirit, for the salvation of our unreached friends.
It has been exciting to see their passion for evangelism grow.

Cooking together in LeBamba

Vaccination Day! This village had no clinic so we set up in the local church.

Hearing the Gospel while waiting for vaccinations

Sugar makes anyone a captive audience- watching the children's version of the Jesus film at one of our village vaccination clinics.

Bringing in the Sheaves ~ prepping the pineapple and coconut harvest for freezing with my Mama

It was such a joy to have my parents visit Bongolo this past year! They arrived on Thanksgiving day and stayed through mid-December. They even brought a frozen turkey with them in their suitcase for our team's Thanksgiving dinner- it was such a treat!

Saving the heads to replant for next year!

One of the ways in which God has really blessed me this past year has been through my neighbors, Mama Jackie and Pastor Serge. Pastor Serge is the director of the hospital. They have very kindly adopted me as their daughter and have been taking care of me, from sending one of the boys over to kill my snakes, to helping me plant and harvest my first plantation.

Harvesting my first crop of corn with my Gabonese Mama.

Mama Jackie has been teaching me how to work the land here to plant a "plantation" (garden). She hired a local boy to burn a small plot of land for me during the dry season, then taught me how to plant once the wet season arrived. She's also taught me very important lessons- such as the many uses of a machete!

It is the only tool we used for planting, maintaining and harvesting. 

Maintaining the plantations

For Mama Jackie, this is her cultural way of "taking care of me" while I am far away from my family and not yet married. When my Mom and Dad came to visit, Mama Jackie was very quick to make sure they saw my plantation, to show them I had a source of food that was producing well and was being taken care of in their absence.
My parents were and still are very touched and grateful.

My Mom and Dad and my Gabonese Mama and Papa all in one place. Worlds collide... : )

Waiting for their Mom at the hospital

"Drive-in" car wash  : )

Little friends at the market : )

I often hear little ones like this see me in the market and whisper to each other excitedly, "Look! A CHINESE GIRL!"
Their mothers quickly shush them and correct them.

Being a redhead, I've been called many things while overseas.
This was definitely a first.  : )

My fav picture with my students- these guys are why I'm here ~ At the end of the School year, with God's help we all made it through the first year of school at Bongolo! Woohoo!

A Year and Some Change.....

Growth
Christ
Love
  People 

So thankful for all that God has done!
Thank you for praying me through my first year here on the field.
It is a joy to serve our Father with you. 

Much Love from the Jungle,

       ~Amanda 

P.S. I had an absolutely WONDERFUL time back in the States for the month of August for my brother's wedding! It was such a joyful month of vacation to spend time with family, friends, my church family, to enjoy good food and the fresh open space and air of my homeland. After 20 months overseas, it was great to be back in the land of peanut butter, pre-cleaned white eggs, sliced whole wheat bread, strawberries, fresh milk and smooth non-dirt roads.

 Thank you to all of you for your prayers, they were certainly answered and I have returned to the field refreshed and rejuvenated for the next stretch of my time in Gabon. 

New brothers and sisters ~ missing our brother Jonathan, who was not granted military leave to attend the wedding.

 FYI~If you ever wanna experience reverse culture shock, try abstaining from Walmart for 20 months. 

Choice overload! 

Look at those Oreo and marshmallow aisles! : )

Fanning Embers into Flames ~ Nursing Spiritual Retreat

Hello Everyone!

Thank you to all of you who have been partnering with us in prayer during our Nursing Spiritual Retreats at the Hospital! We have now met with three of the six groups of nurses and are praising the Lord for how He is working through the power of His Word and by His Holy Spirit among us.
We have been very vividly aware of your ministry in prayer with us ~ Thank You!

 

Group No. 2. David, our speaker, is on the far Right

As you can see the groups are very small. After asking some of the chief nurses what they thought would be most effective for their staff, we moved forward with a small group format, hoping to foster an intimate, safe environment for prayer, discussion, reflection and mutual encouragement.

 

 

Working through discussion questions

 

In the preparation and organization of these retreats, I have been learning more about the Gabonese culture and how to appropriately navigate the systems of leadership and authority that are in place.

 

 

 

 

Sharing a meal together

 

David has been sharing from Romans 12:1-3, talking about what it means to have a renewed mind and to not be conformed to this world, both personally and professionally.

We have seen the Holy Spirit convict and break hardened hearts, many have become humbled and repentant.

Others resist any truth that may be spoken into their lives, this resistance manifests itself in their approach to the physical and spiritual care of their patients -and thus into the overall effectiveness of the Hospital in providing excellence in patient care and sharing the light of the Gospel.

 

 

Please continue to pray with us as the remaining three groups meet June 21st, 28th and July 12th.

Pray for the protection and continued growth for those who have been sensitive and responsive to God's voice during these times. Pray that they would continue to listen for His voice in their lives.

Pray for those who still have resistant hearts, hearts that are not open to growth and change.
Pray for a spiritual renewal and revival of the entire Hospital staff.

 

 

 

God has been teaching me a lot about His heart in making disciples, how He desires everyone to be presented mature in Him, how He does not want any of His children to be left to bathe in the tepid waters of a luke-warm faith, how part of His call for us to make disciples in the Great Comission means fanning those embers into flames.

"Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me."   ~ Colossians 1:28-29


For His Glory,

     ~ Amanda



Pray With Us This Friday

Hello to All!

 

 

 

We are excited to announce an upcoming ministry starting this Friday, May 31st.
Bongolo will be hosting a series of small group spiritual retreats for our Gabonese nursing staff. 

Over the past few months, God has been laying the details in place for these 5 Friday evenings, continuing through the end of June. His answer comes after much prayer for the spiritual renewal and vitality of our nursing staff, who after many years of working short staffed, carrying heavy patient loads with limited resources, and pouring themselves into the spiritual care of their patients, have become weary and burnt-out.

Pray for God's annointing on the teachers of His word during these retreats and that the Holy Spirit would speak to His children and break the strong holds of long-hardened hearts.

We are excited about what God is going to do in our midst.
Please consider partnering with us in prayer in the coming weeks. 
Consider praying for one, two or all of the Friday evenings as a small group, as a church Body, as a family, as a group of friends or in your personal prayer time.
The evenings go from 5:30-9:00 pm jungle time (12:30-4:00pm EST).
May 31st, June 7th, 14th, 21st and 28th.

Thank you for praying for this critical piece of the ministry here.

 

It is a joy to serve Him together with you.

 

 

 

Love from Jungle,

         ~Amanda 



"So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image."
~ 2 Corinthians 3:18

 

 

 

 

Hostility --> to Love

Dear Friends,

HOSTILITY --> to Love.

I'm sure in reading this title, you expect some great story of God's redeeming love and transforming power in the life of a student, a nurse or a Gabonese woman I'm discipling in a Bible study.

You're right, the first part is true -- except this is in the life of someone else - the life of me.

 Not what you expected from your faithful missionary nurse serving in the African jungle?

I have heard many paradigms to describe the process of cultural adaptation. They all seem to revolve around  words like CHAOS, bridges, Settling, UNSETTLED, Squaresville to Roundsville, NEW home. However there is one paradigm that has stuck with me as I've moved overseas.
It comes from a dear couple with whom by some "chance" meeting I met on a train coming back from the Paris airport, at a point when I was missing home, tired and discouraged. They had served many years in embassies and in missions during their career, and amidst lifting my spirits with their joy and compassion, the advice they gave me was this: 

Honeymoon -- Hostility -- Humor --Home 

They said, "you will probably transition through every stage when you move to Gabon. One might be longer than the other, but the important thing to remember, it that HOME is coming."

HOSTILITY

I don't like that word. 

I don't think there is any positive connotation one can retrieve from it in our language.

I shuddered at the thought that this would one day describe me. 

Then, 6 months after moving to Gabon, I found myself smack in the middle of it.

It came on suddenly like a savage fever and left a bad taste in my mouth. 

I was frustrated by everything around me it seemed.

There were little things like not ever being able to finish baking before the swarm of ants plague the kitchen, the lizards who claim our entire home as their outhouse, the drop-dead-ly snakes who play tag outside our front door, the oh-so-lovely mold that covers everything from socks and jewelry to sweatshirts and passports. (I'm surprised my hair wasn't molding!)

And yet those are things we can deal with, or adjust to. But there were things I could not fix, things that ran deeper. These were my perceptions at that point in time:

Unteachable spirits among the hospital staff. 

Lack of spiritual growth and depth in the National church.

Mentalities of entitlement.

Hoarding of knowledge. 

Laziness.
Persistent blindness to plank in their own eye amidst teaching in the National church.
Patient care centered on needs of nurses instead of needs of patients.

Acting out the story of Lazarus and the Rich Man with some of the ladies for their Women's Spiritual Retreat

For a couple months I was able to shadow one of the discipleship courses held at a local church. Along with being trained to teach the course later at the nursing school, I enjoyed the opportunity to get connected with believers in a small group setting. The study was deep and thorough and highly applicable. I was impressed by the material and the amount of personal study each lesson involved. It was exciting meeting the group and they seemed to have some really good discussions. The weeks passed, and every Friday evening the leader and I would watch as the attendance waxed and waned dramatically. 16 to 3, 8 to 5. Save 2 faithful men in the group, the rest were like playing Russian Roulette.
It was hard not to feel discouraged, but as the study drew to an end, the numbers started remounting up to 16 and it became time to review what God had been speaking to us and sharing it with the church. 

The leader, David -a deacon of our local church- asked one of the men, a long standing Christian who had faithfully been there every week, to share what he had learned that would help him to continue growing in his walk with the Lord.

I sat there in eager anticipation to hear how God had been working in this man who had been so faithful in the study each week. 

His response: 

"To pray to Jesus and obey the 10 commandments."

My brain did a double take. 

That was it.

A "yes Johnny that's right" Sunday school answer. 

What happened? Did I have unrealistic expectations?
I asked David about it on the way home.
He said, "It's interesting that you should notice. It has been one of the things most frustrating for me in moving to Gabon from my home in Burkina. The Gabonese do not seem to have a desire to go deeper with God. They do not hunger or thirst for something more. They are content with where they are at, as though it fulfills all their needs."

I felt disillusionment.

Then dreadful sorrow. 

What treason to become satiated with spiritual immaturity.
What loss to become inebriated by spiritual milk.

Visiting one of the local pastors and his family while hosting a vaccination clinic in his village

"Go to Réa." I was walking past the doors to Réa, our hospital's ICU/ recovery room on the walk home from church, when I very clearly heard the Holy Spirit say this to me. He had said something when I woke up that morning too, I was getting ready for church and it was as if God was like, "oh by the way, while you're putting on your mascara, don't forget you're going to stop into Réa today." 

I had thought it was a little odd, but one of the patients had coded a couple days before so I thought maybe I needed to check on her. 

So I walked in and she seemed fine, but across the room in the corner I could see everything was not ok. It was Eric (see previous post). He was having trouble breathing, his mom and dad were rocking beside his bed, weeping -as if it was already too late, and standing around his bed were three of my 1st year students who had just stopped in to say hi and were now standing there -having never seen anything like this before-with that stunned deer in the head lights look.

Oh Boy. I dropped my purse and Bible down on a chair at the nurse's desk and ran over to Eric's bed thinking to myself, "great idea to wear this dress to church today Amanda."

I started assessing Eric and what was going on as I called out equipment for the students to grab. 

We couldn't get a blood pressure or an O2 sat, and his heart rate was elevated. He didn't have any IV access, he was drifting in and out of consciousness and was having trouble breathing. Oh crud, we're in trouble-  and I'm all alone. I quickly glanced around the room for what resources I had. 

Oxygen.
His bed is the furthest from it.

I see four portable oxygen concentrators across the room. 

I go to grab one - it's chained and padlocked to the wall. No key. 

Same for all of them. 

"Oh right!" I think to myself. "I forgot we do this because if we don't bolt them to the wall, people will just walk off with them- because in the this culture, everyone shares everything material. Wonderful!"

Ok, Plan B. 

Move Eric to the Oxygen. 

"Well," I think to myself, "he's a quadriplegic, so, he's a big guy anyway and he'll be a complete dead weight. (No pun intended if we can't get something figured out soon!)" 

Plan C -move the bed.

Frantically we all start trying to push and pull his bed. Six of us! Nothing. Doesn't budge one inch.
I look under the bed for what could possibly be blocking us. 

It's the weather of all things. 

The humidity here destroys rubber to sticky, crumbly pieces, and rusts metal together. 

His wheels were completely rusted and the rubber was half crumbled off of each one. That bed was not going anywhere. 

Ok, Plan D.
Send one of the students to go get an unchained O2 concentrator from the nearest place- across the hospital in the medical ward.

Ok, our hands are tied with the O2 until she gets back.

Monitor.
There's one above his bed. --- Of course it is the only one in the entire room that doesn't work. Great.
I sick one of the students on constant manual BP duty and start looking for IV access on this guy, send a student to try and see if any of the Doc's are lingering around outside talking after church and start yelling and tapping Eric trying to keep him engaged with us. 

I need help.

Is there a nurse?

 

No nurse. 

Then I remember- we are so short staffed, that on nights and weekends we don't have enough nurses to cover everybody, so there is no nurse in Réa, someone just comes in to check in from time to time. 

By this time Eric starts vomiting. 

I am just praying for extra help and that God would spare Eric. 

In walks the student with the O2 concentrator that she had to roll from across the hospital on the gravel to get it to him. We hook him up and he finally has O2- we start getting an O2 sat.

I'm not finding any veins.

In walk Zach and Jen, 2 of our surgeons who, praise the Lord,  were still out talking after church. They come in and start getting set up to put in a central line. The reinforcements are here.  

We give him O2, fluids, some other treatments, his vital signs stabilize and later we find out he needs surgery, but he's going to be ok. 

I was so relieved and so thankful to the Lord for helping us and saving Eric. 

And I was so incredibly frustrated how everything had transpired. 

I don't know if I will ever forget the powerlessness I felt as a nurse,

standing there with a deteriorating patient, 

with 4! oxygen sources in the room

and all of them just out of reach and bolted to the wall.

Réa

What was wrong with me? Didn't I love the Gabonese people? Isn't that why I came to serve the Lord here in the first place? Now here I was, feeling hostile and bitter towards them. It wasn't just feeling bitter that I was in Gabon, it was feeling that way towards them, as a people. 

Why am I here? What am I even doing here? If they don't want to grow spiritually, don't want to receive teaching professionally, if they don't want to see their work at the hospital as a ministry to their own people, then what in the world am I doing here? If no one wants to take a leadership position because culturally the rest of the group will just see them as a target because they tried to be better then the rest and they'll just shoot him down, then how are we ever to hand over this ministry to the Gabonese people? How is this ministry ever to be independent? How are we to work ourselves out of a job? How are we to pass the baton for the Gabonese to reach their own people for Christ? 

My heart and mind and soul wove themselves into these elaborate knots. 

I remembered the counsel of that sweet couple on the train from Paris. 

HOSTILITY

~

HOME is coming.

I went to one of the more experienced missionaries on the team and sought counsel. 

What do I know? 

I know that this phase is a normal and expected part of the cultural adaptation process. 

What do I not know? 

How do I navigate through this period in a productive and God-honoring way?

After she listened to me vent for a LONG time, we prayed together.
Then we came up with a game plan.
Then we prayed again. 

I had been spending a lot of time in prayer just communing with God and refilling, but hadn't spent a lot of time praying specifically for the ministries I was involved with, the people who I was touching. 

So I committed to pray for this group of people that I was specifically involved with- everyday.
So everyday I brought them before the Lord.

...........................................


By a couple months later, the hostility had been erased. It wasn't instantaneous and it wasn't conscious. 

I didn't wake up one morning and suddenly say, "hey, I'm not hostile any more!"

But gradually I began to feel a foreign presence in the depths of my heart and soul - a Love that did not find it's source in me.

Did I not really love the Gabonese when I committed to come here 2 years ago? 

Of course I did. 

But I believe God is teaching me that love in ministry is kind of like romantic love.

There is an initial love, we could label it an infatuation, that develops.
This infatuation is not worthless, it has a purpose- it is motivating and inspiring, it commands our attention and moves us to respond. It's the love we feel when we see an orphaned child, the desperate need of an impoverished people or an urgent need for a position that we have the skills to fill.
We learn about the people and see them from afar, and we don't understand them, but we have a love for them. 

But God has taught me that there is a Love that replaces that initial infatuation, a Love that goes deeper, a Love that says, "I Love them despite knowing their culture. I Love them BECAUSE I - (in part)- understand them," a Love that is not simply emotive, but an essence of being that spurns us to an action, a Love whose only source is in God Himself.

I do not claim to have "arrived" in understanding the Gabonese culture. 

I do not claim that I am no longer frustrated by anything in the culture or that I will never again feel hostile towards the Gabonese. 

What I do claim, is a new Love for the Gabonese, because of how I know them, a Love that does not originate, or end, with me.

 Sometimes I wonder in the U.S., if we ever make it past the infatuation love in ministry. Do we push through the frustration phase in ministry, do we ever get to the other side? Or when things get tough do we simply say, "God is redirecting me in ministry," or "this ministry doesn't really fit my spiritual gifting now," when really God longs for us to push through, to give us a Love for those in our ministry which runs deeper, which Loves them because we've taken the time to know them, a Love which does not begin and end with US. 

.....

On April 9th, I was walking from my house to one of the missionary's. The late afternoon was beginning to relax for the evening as if it's day's work was done. The sun was starting to set- early here on the equator as it always does- the light mist of evening was starting to settle in, and it was as if the trees with their larger-than-life, green leaves were sighing with contentment, basking in the cooler evening air.
I started stepping down the the cement stairs outside on the hill towards her house and I took a moment to soak in all that was around me, as I had done many times before. This time something was different- as I looked around a sense of peace and of being settled overwhelmed me.
In that moment I knew - for the first time in 18 months ~ I was HOME.

At Home in the Jungle, 

         ~Amanda

  

With all my students